Peggy Koehler was born
and raised in Manhattan with the proverbial silver spoon
in
her mouth. She married the poor boy from the Bronx and set
off on a fifty-year adventure into marriage and motherhood.
When the first of their five children was born, her silver
spoon was hastily replaced with a plastic one.
Today, Peggy uses her time-honored principles to encourage
others on their life-walk. She is active in church and
e-publishes a weekly Bible-based lesson for Sunday School
teachers on a world wide website: www.csdirectory.comShe
works from home as a sales agent for inspirational
producer/vendors, distributing their multimedia products to
religious catalogs, ministries and bookstores.
Peggy lives in California in the home she shared with her
beloved husband Ken and enjoys spending quality time with
her five children and nine grandchildren.
Ken Koehler was born in the Bronx; married the girl of his
dreams; worked and traveled excessively for a Fortune 500
company, and dedicated his life to his children and the
“bride” he adored forever. Though he passed away in 2004, he
contributed to this book through the weekly column he wrote
for a local Southern California newspaper and the numerous
letters he penned to his precious wife.
Ken left behind his unique legacy of love and laughter. He
was and is a Spiritual
http://www.ourlegacyoflove.net
Books-And-Authors.net: Where did you grow up and was
reading and writing a part of your life? Who were your earliest
influences and why?
Peggy Koehler: My early
years were spent in New York City. I went to a boarding school
for Christian Scientists from 6th – 12th grade in Stamford, CT.
During that time we lived in Mt. Vernon, NY. When I was 18 we
moved back to NY and I lived on 55th Street until I was
married. Reading was always an important part of my life much
more than writing, although I did like to write children’s
stories. I specifically liked reading biographies especially
about actors and actresses, as I loved the movies and theater. I
also loved reading Bible stories. My earliest influences were
my dad and the many African-American housekeepers who worked in
our home. When I came home from school on weekends I’d spend
many hours in the kitchen visiting with them and enjoying their
stories. They were more like second mothers to me. My folks
worked full time. They owned and operated a very successful
antique business in the city. I spent a lot of time alone,
therefore loved to read about people and places and often
pretended I was living their lives.
Books-And-Authors.net: Your new book is "OUR LEGACY OF
LOVE" -- I understand your late husband of fifty years (Ken
Koehler) was the co-author. What is your message in this book?
How long did it take to write this book?
Peggy Koehler: I started
writing Legacy six weeks after my husband passed on, which was
in April, 2004, eleven weeks after we celebrated our 50th
Wedding Anniversary. A friend who conducted Ken’s memorial
service suggested I write our story as she felt it would bless
so many others who may be facing some of the same challenges we
did. I printed about 50 copies of the book for our five
children, plus friends and family members in December, 04. It
seemed to be so well received that I sent the manuscript to a
Literary Service and the owner wrote back that he really enjoyed
it. He encouraged me to rewrite it and publish it. I
self-published the book and it was released in April, 2007.My
message is if you can remember why you fell in love with each
other than never, never, never, give up on your relationship.
Obviously, there are often justifiable circumstances which would
make it impossible for a couple to stay together, but even
though we had our share of problems, divorce was never a viable
option. Never lose your sense of humor, at least at the same
time. Marriage is not 50 – 50; its 100 – 100%. I doubt we would
have survived the many challenges we faced without a great deal
of prayer, faith and absolute trust in a Supreme Being. When
writing Legacy there was one other key message I wanted to focus
on; namely overcoming all types of prejudices – racial,
religious and political. As our teenage daughter once wrote;
“Love comes in all colors.” Above that sentence, she had
painted a beautiful bouquet of multi-colored flowers. What
would our world be like if parents didn’t pass on their own
prejudices to their offspring? There’s no such thing as an
intolerant gene. Bigotry is taught, not inherited.
Books-And-Authors.net: In "OUR LEGACY OF LOVE" you reveal that
your husband Ken wrote/contributed to a weekly newspaper column.
Briefly tell us about the column and some of the things he wrote
about.
Peggy Koehler: Ken
described his column this way: A weekly column with a touch of
humor, whimsy and nostalgia. Kenfetti (the normal spelling is
“confetti”) is bits and pieces of sometimes obscure and
sometimes trifling information. Gaily-colored bon mots rather
than bonbons, all tossed to gladden your way. He wrote about
family holidays, his children, trying to open an aspirin bottle
& other difficult packaging products, our dogs, common place
versus common sense, fishing, getting the kids to eat over their
plates, Halloween, mothers-in-laws, the English language,
camping, etc.
Books-And-Authors.net: If you had to describe your husband in
two words what would they be and why?
Peggy Koehler:
Unconditional love. My husband was a “spiritual millionaire.”
He saw beauty in nature and people. He loved making others
happy whether strangers or family. He truly cared about
everyone who crossed his path. The love of his life was his wife
and children. Not many people would receive a card from the
local Post Office when they passed away, all writing something
special about him and how much they would miss his customary
greeting; “Happy Monday everyone” (or Tuesday, etc.) He
magnified the good he saw in others. He was brilliant, an avid
reader of everything, especially “footnotes.” A stranger was
just a friend he hadn’t met yet. He loved in order – God, his
family and his country. His sense of humor was legend to those
who knew him. No matter what trials we faced, he’d always say:
“Just keep looking for that strawberry, Honey, remember, there’s
one in every patch.”
Books-And-Authors.net: What is a "Kenism"? Can you give us
an example of one?
Peggy Koehler: “Move it,
milk it, paint it, or salute it.” “The sign says yield, not
surrender.” “We may be lost but we’re making excellent time.”
(Take your pick).
Books-And-Authors.net: In "OUR LEGACY OF LOVE" you say that the
key to a successful relationship is a 'good sense of humor"
Explain. For a married couple to make it 50 years what else does
it take?
Peggy Koehler: When a
situation arises that you feel is disruptive or unfair, ask
yourself how do I feel (for instance) about the kids fighting
all the time. Do you think they will get along when one is 71
and the other is 73? Try and find something humorous to focus
on. “Hey, Sweetheart, at least be happy our son didn’t total the
car or hurt anyone else. As soon as the cast comes off, he and I
can put the fender back on and buy new headlights.” If you’re
involved in an argument with your spouse – lock yourselves in
the bedroom, undress and then try staying mad at each other when
arguing in your birthday suits. The most important thing is for
one of you to be “up” when the other is “down.” Compassion,
empathy and communication are the keys to any relationship. Your
spouse should first and foremost be your best friend. Obviously
adjustments have to be made on both sides of the aisle. Learn
to respect and tolerate your differences. If you wanted a
spouse just like you – then you’d have had to marry yourself.
I’ve heard people say; “I want to find the perfect mate.” If
you ever did find him/her, then you’d best be perfect yourself.
Quit nit-picking over every little thing they do or don’t do.
Above all, keep your relationship God-centered, not
me-centered. Learn to listen, really listen to what the other
is saying and read between the lines. You may be struggling with
the children but he may be having major problems at work. Talk
to each other. Make a list of all that is right and all that
you feel is wrong. Which outweighs the other – then ask
yourself – Is this relationship worth investing in or not? Treat
the one you fell in love with the same way you would want to be
treated – alias “The Golden Rule.” Over the years I’ve talked
to many couples who were having problems with their partners and
I essentially tell them they have three choices: (1) Learn to
live with the challenges and resentments and both of you remain
angry and unhappy while together. (2) Divorce. (3) Change your
actions and behavior first even though you think it’s all the
other one’s fault. I learned early on to turn to God in prayer –
to trust that He has the right answers for all His children and
doesn’t play favorites. “Pride goes before destruction and a
haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs, KJV Bible)
Books-And-Authors.net: "OUR LEGACY OF LOVE" you mention many
'Lion's Den' challenges -- In 50 years which one was the
toughest and why?
Peggy Koehler: Trying to
hone in on only one is not easy, but I guess it was when son #2
got lost when riding his trail bike when we lived in
Connecticut. He and his friend had left in the morning; the
temperature was a balmy 60 degrees in April. By evening the
thermometer had dropped to below freezing. They hadn’t worn
coats, were in short sleeve shirts, and of course neglected to
bring anything to eat. By 7 pm my husband called the police and
the search was on. Ken, our oldest son and our foster son also
went looking for him. There were so many trails the kids used
to ride that we had no idea where they were. The younger
children and I stayed home and prayed. They found the boys the
next morning. Their bikes had broken down, which was par for
the course, and even though they finally fixed them, it was too
dark to navigate off the mountainous trail. My husband found
them the next morning. They had buried themselves under leaves
to try and keep warm. They were cold and hungry but couldn’t
wait to go to school that day to brag about their grand
adventure. Just one more notch in my prayer belt. Thank you
God!
Books-And-Authors.net: What do you feel is your 'LEGACY
OF LOVE'?
Peggy Koehler:
Sharing with others the many lessons I learned in not giving up
when there were countless times we both wanted “out” of the
marriage. I never would have made it without a higher faith and
trust. So often couples call it quits because it’s so much
easier than trying to work out their differences. We’ve all
heard this popular saying: “Winners never quit and quitters
never win.” The night before Ken and I had our first date, I
had prayed knowing that I could not be deprived of right
companionship. I was living in the city and had no friends, male
or female. Ken and I truly believed our Heavenly Father had
brought us together and therefore figured He must have meant for
us to stay together. Previously we both had been engaged to
someone else. Our Legacy of Love is the realization that we
actually managed to live on earth a marriage made in heaven.
When something turns out that good, that special you just have
to share it with others – the good, the bad and the
beautiful.Peggy Koehler: In July 1, 2007, there was an article
published in The New York Times by Sam Roberts entitled “The
Shelf Life of Bliss.” I quote the first three sentences:
“FORGET the proverbial seven-year itch. Not to disillusion that
half million or so June brides and bridegrooms who were just
married, but new research suggests that the spark may fizzle
within only three years.” Marriage, like anything else takes
hard work to succeed. Giving up is easy but keeping that fire
burning when all you want to do is snuff it out – that takes
love, commitment and staying power. Believe me, “the grass is
not always greener on the other side of the fence.” Hopefully
“Our Legacy of Love” will help others find the answers to making
their relationship work not for just three years or seven years
but for a lifetime.
Books-And-Authors.net: What do you feel Ken would say about "OUR
LEGACY OF LOVE" if he had the chance to read it?
Peggy Koehler: “My Darling
– I am so very proud of you. I can’t believe you actually did
it! Thank you for sharing our story which I know will bless so
many others. Thank you for loving me no matter what and know
that I love you forever and ever. Your Ken.”
Books-And-Authors.net: What did you learn from writing "OUR
LEGACY OF LOVE"? What do you hope readers will say after reading
"OUR LEGACY OF LOVE"?
Peggy Koehler: When I
began reliving fifty plus years of our life together and
actually putting on paper the events which transpired, I
realized that what I thought were the most miserable times,
especially during the teenage years, turned out to be funny when
I wrote about them. I asked myself how I could possibly laugh
now when I had been so unhappy at the time. Each experience
helped me to grow in my spiritual walk. One of the greatest
enrichments for our marriage was attending a Marriage Encounter
Weekend. I wish we had done it earlier. We went after we had
been married for 20 years. I explain what the weekend was all
about in the book. As I reread the numerous love letters Ken
and I wrote to each other after that weekend, I apprehended for
the first time some of the work-related problems he was facing
due to his extensive traveling schedule and how difficult it was
for him to come home from a two week trip and have to encounter
all the troubles I was hurling at him concerning six teenagers.
At the time I had been oblivious to his needs and only thinking
of mine. I was angry at him for not being more supportive of
me. I thought to myself; “Peggy, how supportive were you
towards him? I wished I could have hugged Ken just one more
time and tell him how very much I loved him and how sorry I was
for being so insensitive. When you lose someone you love, you
realize that it’s too late to say; “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean
what I said. Please forgive me.” Don’t ever let “regrets”
become a constant heartache when a loved one has passed. The
following are some comments from readers: This book is a true
work of heart and soul…a woman’s loving tribute to the man she
loved for over 50 years. Peggy invites you into her family’s
home and takes you back to a simpler time with humor and
attention to detail. You will want to curl up in their living
room and not leave.
Legacy is so “apple pie” Americana that it should be on the NY
Time’s best seller list. I could only hope to some day have
something as strong and rare as you and Ken shared. What a great
story! The loss of a life-mate is something that no one gets
over. Your memories, now put into words, are a tribute to your
continuing love for Ken – and to your obvious gratitude to God
for placing him in your life. I’ve always loved “love
stories,” but all I can say is “Wow!” The story of Ken and
Peggy is so amazing. You can hear the love they have for each
other in the words Peggy speaks. It seems that most people in
their lifetime don’t even get a glimpse of what the Koehler’s
shared. And although it sounded like times weren’t always easy,
it still is a true fairy tale. So maybe true love can still
exist! That kind of love really must be the most amazing
experience in the whole world. HONEST, HUMOROUS, HEARTWARMING!
Many of the stories jump from the pages and feel real – and
feel like part of a life, yours and your families, and I have
gained both knowledge and wisdom by your sharing your family.
Thank you for allowing me to see a small glimpse – and thank you
for reinforcing the loving, positive and hopeful demeanor we
should all aspire to.The following is excerpts from a book
report by a 15 year old. She had read Legacy and received an
“A” on her report: Normally when books say that “you’ll laugh
out loud” you never do. But I did laugh loud. Peggy makes you
feel what she was feeling when she was living the moment. You’d
never think someone who isn’t famous would have such an
interesting life story to tell. Every chapter I read, Peggy
just keeps me smiling and wanting more… I like how she is
writing the book. I was definitely satisfied by the end of the
book. When I first started reading it, I didn’t think I was
going to enjoy it, but I was wrong. I like reading love stories
and to read this one and know it happened to real people really
made the book meaningful If you aren’t a believer in true love
or finding a soul mate, read this book and you’ll think
otherwise.
Books-And-Authors.net: What's next?
Peggy Koehler: I’ve been
working on writing Bible-based lessons for Sunday School
students. My objective is to make these age-old stories
contemporary, interesting and the questions humorous enough to
appeal to a teenage audience. I also work from home
distributing inspirational DVD’s to religious catalogs,
bookstores, direct mail and ministries. I’m looking for new
ways to share our story with others. At Christmas time (2007),
I sent two cases of books (50) as a gift to chaplains embedded
with our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. I had read about some
of the relationship challenges these men and women were
encountering being away from their loved ones for such long
periods of time.
Books-And-Authors.net: What was the last book you read?
Peggy Koehler: Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by
Mary Baker Eddy.
Books-And-Authors.net: Do you have any hobbies? What are
they? How do they enhance your writing?
Peggy Koehler: I constantly read inspirational books as well as
romance and mystery novels. I love to walk. I attend a writing
class once a week. I taught Sunday School for over fifty years,
and may begin teaching again. I love interacting with young
people, especially our children and grandchildren. I spend lots
of time on the phone talking to my clients, most of whom I have
worked with for over 15 years. They too have become good
friends. At the moment, I’m not writing anything specific, but
down the road I might feel inclined to write short stories. I
prefer to write non-fiction.
I started
writing Legacy six weeks after my husband passed on, which was in April,
2004, eleven weeks after we celebrated our 50th Wedding Anniversary. A
friend who conducted Ken’s memorial service suggested I write our story
as she felt it would bless so many others who may be facing some of the
same challenges we did.
